ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
