I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
