Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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