so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
