i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
