She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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