Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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