one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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