that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
