No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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