I think I am morally bankrupt
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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