When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i came on her dog
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize