in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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