If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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