matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
