Did you just see the Batmobile???
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
