happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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