I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
