clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
