My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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