Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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