Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She bit a glass in half.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
