Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize