hell yes lets make some ravioli
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
