Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
