i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
