after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
