woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
