I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
