This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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