A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
