My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
