I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
