i love accidental penises.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
