ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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