just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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