Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
