you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
