definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
