Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
