our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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