I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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