So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
