Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize