I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
