shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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