people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize