i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
