Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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