quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
