tonight lets celebrate not being married
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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