all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
