Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
