His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
