trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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