? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
