You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
my liver is dry heaving
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
