So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
