i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
