Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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