Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
