need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
