It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
