either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I cannot find my penis.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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