i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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