Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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