I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
