I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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