Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
