how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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